Dog Haiku (An epigrammatic Japanese verse form of three short lines) - author unknown

I love my master;

Thus I perfume myself with

This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up

In the sunshine, happier than

You ever will be

Today I sniffed

Many dog butts - I celebrate

By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!

Paperboy - come to kill us all -

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!

Mailman Fiend - come to kill us all -

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!

Meter reader - come to kill us all -

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!

Garbage man - come to kill us all -

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!

Neighbor's cat - come to kill us all -

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and

Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -

Sniff this and weep

How do I love thee?

The ways are numberless as

My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!

I am so ecstatic I have

Made a puddle

I hate my choke chain -

Look, world, they strangle me!

Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin

On your foot - no greater bliss - well,

Maybe catching cats

Look in my eyes and

Deny it. No human could

Love you as much I do

The cat is not all

Bad - she fills the litter box

With Tootsie Rolls

Dig under fence - why?

Because it's there. Because it's

There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,

Now, always, and especially

When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,

But they are far more - I call

Them a vocation

My owners' mood is

Romantic - I lie near their

Feet. I fart a big one.

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